Mel Wong (chn_breathmint) wrote in healingpartners,
Mel Wong

A Re-Introduction of Sorts

I haven't been posting here very much in recent times due to a sort of withdrawal from online participation, as though I were shutting myself off from the world outside for various reasons.

A lot has happened in the time between. I have a really lousy sense of time, so this is how my mind thinks of the past two to three years. Stuff is not exactly, um, sequential.

I got a job, did not know how to cope with the stress placed upon me by a manager who was herself facing incredible corporate pressure.

I survived a suicide attempt in 2007, had an ICU stay, had an inpatient psych stay, and came away from it deciding that suicide really wasn't so much an answer as much as a gigantic middle finger raised to the world, and that if I was going to go around flipping the world off, I might as well get paid for it, which leads to the next step in my life.

I recuperated for a year and in the meantime enrolled in university as a Fine Arts major (see what I mean by flipping off the world).

My marriage nearly broke up. My husband and I underwent enormous amounts of marriage counselling, supplementing the enormous amounts of therapy I already was getting.

I find out I'm actually a great student and a lot of the mistreatment I got for bad grades in my childhood were scapegoating and bullshit. (I still have trouble believing I am an A-grade student, but my GPA says so.)

In seeking disability accommodation for school I also get diagnosed as OCD and ADD and get put on meds for the ADD, which actually helps my functioning a great deal.

Right now I'm a much different person from when I posted here in the past. I no longer seek reconciliation with my mother - I'm civil with her on the phone, but I otherwise just don't care any more. I'm a lot more confident and a lot more convinced of my worth, and while life is still interesting, I'm happier and I think tougher.

- Mel
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